Screwed.edu
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
