i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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