just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize