dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
