We left an ass print on the piano.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize