Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
