You made me cry and you don't even care
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
