I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
