If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
