I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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