Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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