I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
