Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
