I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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