did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
