I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
