worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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