so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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