I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
