i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
