Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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