May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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