Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
its liver damage thursday
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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