so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
