can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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