dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
