i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
