Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
