Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
