So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
then he tried to convert me to islam
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
