after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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