Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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