Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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