'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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