wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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