No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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