there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
