So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
