she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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