alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
