Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
