3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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