I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
be right there i have to get my cape
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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