It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
