Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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