In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
