one word: firstdatebathroomanal
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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