were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
