Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
