Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
