go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
