I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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