You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
