I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
