it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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