went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
