my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize