oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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