Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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