and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
