dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
