I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
