I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize