I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
