my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
