Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
