Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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