Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
