You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
