I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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