i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize