I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
