you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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