so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
