girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Vodka?
Forever.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
