I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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