so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
